I Tried These 4 Strategies to Self-Match for Adoption: Here’s What Worked

There are many methods to try when attempting to self-match for adoption. A simple internet search will show you all kinds of tactics—and stories from couples who have had success with them.

That same search is where I found myself when my husband and I were seeking to self-match. And if that’s what brought you here, I’m so glad you’re here!

Adoption has been the biggest blessing to our family, and I’m excited and thankful for the opportunity to offer support and tips to help you on your journey.

From social media to old-school marketing and everything in between, we tried several approaches. Here are four strategies we personally used, along with what worked for us:

1. Facebook

To me, this is the star of the show when it comes to self-matching.

Facebook is not only where we matched—just four months after our home study was approved—but where I’ve seen many others find success too.

We created a Facebook page (not a profile) for adoption matching and found that the key was not just posting for expectant moms, but building an engaged audience that would follow and share our story.

The more people who saw and shared our posts, the farther our content traveled—eventually landing in front of our son’s birth mom. She reached out, and the rest is history.

2. Instagram

Instagram wasn’t how we matched the first time, but it’s a powerful platform and definitely worth using. It shares similar goals with Facebook but uses different tactics.

If you’re already creating content for Facebook, repurpose it on Instagram. Just add relevant hashtags and occasionally switch things into video format (like Reels).

Reels, in particular, are one of the most effective tools. With trending audio and clear, concise text on screen, they give you the chance to reach an entirely new organic audience.

Don’t feel pressured to be a Reel expert right away. Even just posting regularly gives you a presence—and that’s the first step to getting seen.

3. Life Book

Your life book is a digital or printed book that introduces your family, lifestyle, and values to expectant moms. We made both printed and digital versions.

• Printed books can be left at attorneys’ offices or pregnancy resource centers.

• Digital versions can be shared on social media or sent via email.

We used Canva to create ours—an amazing tool with customizable templates. If you want something professionally designed, I highly recommend checking out Gina at Poppy & Rose on Etsy.

We didn’t match directly from our life book, but it played a big role in helping expectant moms get to know us. One even told our attorney we were her second choice. That’s a big deal—and shows how powerful this tool can be. Our son’s biological mom also said that she really appreciated the photos and information in our life book when she had the opportunity to see it after we connected but before we matched. In addition, I know a couple who recently matched via their life book at an attorney’s office. It happens!

4. Letters to Churches and Doctors’ Offices

This one’s a bit more old-school. I wrote letters introducing us and explaining our adoption journey, then mailed them to a list of local churches and OB/GYN offices.

I don’t know if they led to any matches or followers, but they gave me a tangible way to share our story and possibly reach someone who needed to see it.

This method probably shouldn't be a core strategy, but it was worth trying.

Final Thoughts

If you’re trying to self-match, know your state’s adoption laws. Some states require agency involvement, but you can still do your own outreach before handing things over. If your state allows for independent adoption, I highly recommend finding a reputable, ethical adoption attorney to guide you. (Here's a tool to help you find one.) They may even keep your life book on file!

These are the four core strategies we used, and I hope they give you ideas and encouragement as you build your own path.

Looking for more tips on self-matching, especially using social media?

📲 Follow me on Instagram @theHelpfulHAP
👥 Or come hang out in my Facebook group for hopeful adoptive parents

Happy matching, and I’m cheering you on always! 🤍