Private Infant Adoption: Agency, Attorney, or Consultant?

If you’ve spent any time researching infant adoption, you’ve probably realized one thing very quickly:
there are a lot of opinions, and very little clear direction.

Agency. Attorney. Consultant.
Everyone has a story. Everyone has advice. And somehow, you’re supposed to make a major financial and emotional decision while still trying to figure out how all of these options differ.

So let’s walk through these options clearly, with no pressure and more clarity.

This post is designed to help you understand your main paths for private infant adoption, how they differ, and how to decide what might be the best fit for your family.

First: There Is No Right Way to Adopt

I want to make sure you hear me when I say this because it is important.

There is no universally “best” path to infant adoption. There is only:

• What aligns with your values

• What fits your budget and timeline

• What makes you feel confident, or at least have peace of mind

Families successfully adopt through all of the options outlined here. The goal of me writing about them is that you will be able to make an informed decision that is best for your family and your future.

Option 1: Adoption Agency

Agencies are often the first option people hear about, and for some families, they can be a great fit. We did not use this path but I have connected with several families that have had great experiences growing their family with an adoption agency.

How agencies typically work

• You pay an upfront or staged program fee

• The agency handles your home study, marketing, matching, legal coordination, and counseling

• You are one of many waiting families in their system

Pros

• There is more structure and guidance

• Counseling services are often included for the birth mother

• Legal steps are usually coordinated for all parties

Things to consider

• In many cases, overall costs will be higher than adopting without an agency

• Some states require the use of a licensed agency

• You will likely have less control over your profile and outreach

• You are waiting within their system, not actively networking— unless you choose to do that on your own

Agencies can be helpful if you want a more hands-off approach, but they are not the only option.

Option 2: Adoption Attorney (Independent Adoption)

Working with an adoption attorney outside of an agency usually means you are pursuing independent adoption. This is the option that my family used for both of our adoptions. We were blessed to find the best adoption attorney out there. I always recommend families pursuing this option use a very experienced and ethical attorney. The AAAA has a tool to find one of these attorneys near you.

How this works

• You seek out an attorney that handles the legal side of the adoption

• You are responsible for finding a provider for your home study, marketing, matching, and outreach (often with support or suggestions from your attorney)

• You do the marketing and outreach work to find your match (we used social media to do this and it was the perfect fit for our family at the time)

Pros

• Independent adoption often comes with a lower cost than adoption agencies

• You have more control over your profile and communication and can take this part of your journey into your own hands

• You have much more flexibility in how you find opportunities

Things to consider

• You need to be proactive. This process takes time and effort and you have to be willing to put it in.

• You’ll want to educate yourself. You can save yourself a lot of time by learning what is working for others and by learning from their mistakes.

• The emotional ups and downs of adoption can sometimes feel more intense without the buffer of an agency. You’re more intimate with all the details and aware of every possibility that comes your way, even the disingenuous ones.

This is the path many families take when they want more involvement, transparency, and control over the process.

Option 3: Adoption Consultants

Consultants are not a replacement for an agency or attorney, they are a support layer. They often have a network of several agencies and attorneys that are facilitating adoptions and work to get their clients in front of these providers for situations that are a good fit.

What consultants do

• Help you understand your options, as well as guide strategy and decision-making

• Review profiles, contracts, and outreach plans

• Offer emotional support and clarity

• Work to get your profile in front of agencies and attorneys that are seeing cases come through

Important to know

• Consultants do not complete the adoption

• You still need an attorney or agency

• Quality varies widely, adoption consultants are often unlicensed and therefore unregulated. Their services can be immensely valuable but it is imperative that you do your research before working with one.

For some families, consultants provide peace of mind. For others, education and self-guided tools are enough.

So…Which Option Is Best?

As cliche as it sounds, the best option is the one you understand well enough to feel confident choosing and know is a good fit for your family, budget, skills, and the amount of time you have to put into the process.

Many families combine paths, such as:

• Attorney + social media outreach

• Attorney + consultant support

• Agency + independent networking

• Agency + consultant support

The most important thing is that you:

• Understand where your money, time, and emotions are going

• Know what you are responsible for and what will be handled for you

• Feel encouraged and empowered, not confused or criticized. This journey is difficult enough, you need to make sure your providers are supportive and not adding to any negativity you may experience.

Where Social Media Fits In (No Matter the Path)

One important thing to know: Social media can support any of these adoption paths. It can help you:

• Share your story authentically and come through as real…because it’s really you posting

• Build visibility in an ethical way

• Create connections that agencies alone can’t always make

If you’re specifically interested in learning how to use Facebook thoughtfully as part of your adoption journey, I created a course that walks through:

• What kinds of things to post

• How to build and engage an audience

• How to look out for scams

• How to grow your visibility and bring the real you through the screen

You can learn more about my course on using Facebook to match for adoption and decide if this is the right path for you.

Planning Independent Adoption? Start With a Clear Foundation

If you’re leaning toward independent adoption, or even just considering it, finding clarity is so important. Before you spend thousands of dollars, sign contracts, or even invest very much at all in a journey, it helps to know:

• What steps come first

• What professionals you actually need, and how to vet them

• What decisions can wait

• What mistakes are most common (and avoidable)

That’s exactly why I created my Private, Independent Adoption Checklist.

This checklist is designed for everyone planning to pursue independent adoption, even if (especially if) you’re still in the research phase. It gives you a step-by-step overview so you can move through your journey with confidence instead of confusion or fear.

Final Thought

You don’t need to have every answer today. You just need clear information to make a confident next step. Reading posts like this is a great way to get there. Growing your family through adoption is not easy, but it is the most rewarding thing I have ever done and I love encouraging hopeful parents to do the same. I’m cheering you on every step of the way.