The Adoption Process: Step by Step
If you’re hoping to adopt or just starting to research adoption, you likely have already learned that there are many ways to go about it. While there is no one answer to what is the adoption process step by step, I can share my own personal experience of pursuing domestic infant adoption in the United States, twice. Both times were similar, with slight differences, and I learned so much throughout each journey. Below I am including the steps we took from the very beginning through finalizing our adoptions and I hope this information is helpful to you as you navigate the adoption process.
The steps we took to adopt a baby:
Research the type of adoption you want to pursue
Start searching online to learn about adopting a baby, your state laws, and what providers (agencies, attorneys, etc.) are in your area, join adoption Facebook groups to hear from others that are farther along in the process, and ask any adoptive parents that you know about their experience.
When my husband and I first set out to try and adopt a baby, I started researching all that I could about the process. We felt confident that we wanted to adopt an infant and wanted to try domestic adoption (within the United States) before looking into international adoption. Part of the reason for this is many international adoption agencies require that a waiting couple be over a certain age (oftentimes 30), and we were only 26 at the time. The other reason we decided on domestic adoption was cost. The research I had done at the time indicated that international adoption could be quite expensive and we didn’t have a lot to spend on adoption at that point in our lives.
Cost played a big role in many of the decisions we made at the beginning of our adoption journey. This is also a lot of why we decided to pursue independent adoption, which is adopting without using an agency. Agencies at the time were quoting anywhere from $25,000 to $75,000 for an adoption, and there was never a guarantee that you could stay on the lower end of a range. I read many stories and situations about families that went in with a certain budget but were ultimately shown situations they didn’t want to turn down and then found out it was $10,000 or more over their budget. Adoption is an emotional process and it can be very difficult to navigate. We knew that having the worry of going way over budget in the back of our minds was not something we were willing to take on.
2. Choose your providers
Once you have decided the type of adoption you’d like to pursue (domestic or international, foster care or private, agency or independent, etc.), it’s time to choose providers. Chances are if you’ve decided on an agency adoption, you’ve already reached out to a few agencies or at least have been on their website. Work on narrowing down who you want to work with and reach out to see how to get that process started with them.
If you’re like us and are hoping to go the independent route, I can’t recommend the Academy of Adoption and Reproduction Assistance Attorneys (quad A) site enough. These attorneys have been through certifications and are some of the most ethical and experienced adoption attorneys you’ll find. They even have a tool on their website to find some of the closest options to you.
After choosing our attorney (a quad A attorney and someone recommended by a family friend), we set up a consultation with him. During this consultation, we got a lot of our questions answered, including timeline expectations, suggestions for ways to match, expected cost, and he actually recommended our social worker to us. The social worker is who performed our home study.
At this point, if you’ve signed up with an agency, they will walk you through the rest of the process, so I will be focusing on independent adoption, and how to navigate the process when you’re trying to adopt without an agency (although the actual steps of the process are still very similar).
3. Get a home study
No matter the type of adoption you choose to pursue, everyone needs a home study. This is a series of paperwork, interviews, home visits, and other checks that qualify a family to adopt. Typically they are good for 1-2 years before they expire so it’s important to get it done when you are for sure ready to start the adoption process and not too far in advance.
For many that I have talked to , the home study seems to be a point of nervousness or tension. This was not our experience at all. It’s a process meant to dive deep into your live, your home, and your marriage, but the goal is not to show some polished or perfect facade, it is to show your true and genuine selves and the life you hope to provide for a child.
The first time we met our social worker in person, there’d been miscommunication in a previous phone call. My husband had thought our social worker said he’d call us at 9 am Saturday, but he must have actually meant he’d come by for a visit. We were sitting on the couch, me still in my pajamas, waiting for his call, when all of the sudden we heard a car door shut in our driveway. We looked out the window and saw him slowly making his way toward our house. I jumped up to go get dressed and knocked over my coffee. By the time he was at the door, I was running back finishing pulling my arms into a shirt and my husband had just cleaned up spilled coffee. It turned out to be no cause for concern. The visit was causal and he really just wanted to get to know us. Spilling coffee and getting dressed at the last minute is kind of who we are, so it all worked out.
Other parts of getting a home study (in Ohio at least) included a background check, fire inspection, well water check, turning in financial information, and more. It sounds intimidating, but I cannot stress enough how it really was not that big of a deal. We also moved in between getting matched and the birth of our oldest son, which required a rushed update to our home study, complete with an additional visit. This also was not a big deal and made us thankful to have good providers that were flexible and easy to communicate with.
It is also important to note that the type of home study you get is important. You cannot get a foster care home study if you’re hoping to adopt and vice versa. Additionally, many agencies will only accept home studies performed by them, so that is something to keep in mind as you’re researching.
4. Work on self-matching
One of the things you undertake when you decide to not use an adoption agency is finding a match on your own. A lot of adoption attorneys will take profile books to keep on hand for any expectant mothers that come in looking for an adoptive family for their child. This is something you can make yourself, using a tool such as Canva (this is what we did), or you can hire someone to do it for you. If you spend a little time in those adoption Facebook groups I mentioned, you will surely find a professional designer that makes profile books for hopeful adoptive parents. In addition to adoption attorneys, pregnancy resource centers and other charities might be willing to keep your book on file.
Where we found more success with self-matching was on social media. This is actually where we matched for both of our adoptions, and did it fairly quickly to boot. What’s great about using social media to match is that it’s like a profile book, only digital, so you can keep adding fresh updates.
When we were hoping to adopt, I worked hard to post consistently on our social media pages (especially Facebook) and built an engaged following. Then I was strategic about asking our audience to share and that is ultimately how our oldest son’s birth mother found us. This connection with her also led us to our match with our second son’s adoptive family — Thanks Facebook! I share more tips about how we used social media to match on my Instagram @thehelpfulhap.
5. Continue learning
With adoption, there is so much to learn. Educating yourself on topics like positive adoption language, the importance of open adoption, the difference between foster care and adoption, and so many others is only going to help you be the best adoptive parent you can be. The wait between being home study approved and confirming an adoption match can sometimes be long so this is a great time to get educated.
6. Confirm a match
Once an expectant mother finds and falls in love with your profile, you can continue dialogue with her and just let your attorney know of the situation. Our oldest’s birth mom had questions about the legal process that we didn’t know the answer to so we helped her get connected with an attorney. After several weeks of getting to know us, she decided that adoption was the right decision for her situation and confirmed that she wanted to match with us. Our attorney got in contact with her attorney and they were both fantastic to work with from there.
With our second son, we had a lot less notice as his birth parents decided on adoption only a few weeks before he was due. We still made it work and thanks to amazing providers, the process was smooth sailing.
7. Get placement
We were so very fortunate to be within an hour of both of our children’s biological mothers. They were even gracious enough to let us be at the hospital when the boys were born. That meant that we got to hold them both in the same night they were born and both times the hospital staff was incredible to give us our own room. Our attorneys had it set up that we’d have power of attorney to bring the boys home from the hospital and be their caretakers up until placement (this was, of course, in alignment with their bio moms’ wishes). In our state of Ohio, they try to get placement set up as soon as possible after 72 hours after birth. Both times for us, it was when baby was 1 week old.
We went to the courthouse with our little bundles and were granted placement. It was so magical both times!
Here I am feeding our oldest just before his placement hearing.
Here we are outside of the courthouse after placement with our youngest.
8. Finalize your adoption!
Every state has their own timeline for placement and finalization, and in Ohio they require finalization to be at least 6 months after birth. Placement is when birth parents sign their consents to the adoption and are done with the legal part of the process. The following 6 months until the placement hearing are for the adoptive parents and their social worker to continue meeting as they settle into life with the new little one. Our social worker stopped by once a month and then wrote a report that got turned into the judge suggesting that we were suitable parents. This is a requirement and a necessary step to make sure children are placed into loving and appropriate homes. It might have been a lot to coordinate but we are grateful for the checks that are put into place.
Here is my favorite photo of us as a family of four from our youngest’s adoption day.
Costs & Getting Started
There you have it. That’s the adoption process step-by-step. I hope this post was helpful to you. If you’re looking for more information of what each part of the adoption process costs, check out my post What Does Private Adoption Actually Cost? If you’re interested in getting started trying to match for adoption on social media, these starter guides may be of interest, or check out my course Using Facebook to Match for Adoption, and if you’re interested in keeping in touch, join my newsletter! Wishing you all the best, regardless of where you are on your journey!